By August Barham

Jan. 18, 2022

 

I am best friends with a celebrity, but he doesn’t know I exist.

 

During the physical isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, I found social connection in an unexpected place— actor and comedian Ben Schwartz. While I would call our connection a friendship, psychologists would call it a parasocial relationship.

 

As Dr. Matt Johnson said in his Psychology Today article, “The Psychology of Parasocial Relationships,” that appeared Dec. 7, 2021, “In traditional, two-sided relationships, both people experience friendship and know where they stand with the other. But with parasocial relationships, it's all one-sided.”

 

Aena Iqbal, a 21-year-old at American University who uses she/they pronouns, speaks about Harry Styles with such fond familiarity that you might mistake her for an old friend of the singer. In a way, she is.

 

“I was always like, ‘I don't think I'm ever going to love a potential partner as much as I love him.’” Aena said. “It's hard to put into words, it's so weird that I just feel so connected to him and he has no idea of who I am.”

Just a few years ago I struggled to understand how Aena could describe their feelings toward Harry as love when to them, he had only been an image on a screen. Ever since the spring of 2020, I get it.

 

When I stopped being able to see my friends—who had always been my source of comfort—I quickly and wholeheartedly formed that missing connection with Ben Schwartz.

 

In his Psychology Today article, Dr. Johnson explained that loneliness can be a catalyst for parasocial relationships. “It's almost as if, when deprived of human connection, the connection-seeking energy is turned inward,” Dr. Johnson said. “We still get the interactivity and warmth we’re seeking, but instead of it playing out in the world, the relationship is a simulation within our own heads.”

 

In the early months of the pandemic, I watched Ben Schwartz and Thomas Middleditch’s long-form improv comedy special, Middleditch & Schwartz, on repeat. I was immediately drawn to Ben’s positive spirit and I watched all of his films, TV shows, online sketches, interviews and I followed him on social media. Soon, I was turning to him whenever I felt deeply alone or overwhelmed. Maybe I couldn’t hug my friends, but I could curl up and watch Ben run around stage in his green Air Jordans pulling goofs.

 

Lea-Rose Allbaugh, a 23-year-old freelance writer, similarly turns to Taylor Swift for support during difficult times.

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“I always think of Taylor Swift as my comfort artist,” Lea said. “So, I would say why she's important to me is because, if I'm sad, or anxious or I am feeling some type of way, I will just play Taylor Swift music and it calms me down.”

 

The more that I turned to Ben Schwartz for comfort, the more that he felt like a real friend of mine. While I logically knew that Ben was not my best friend, how was my brain supposed to distinguish between friends I talked to over Zoom and my ‘friend’ I watched on YouTube?

 

As professor of psychology at the University at Buffalo, Shira Gabriel, said in Brittany Wong’s Huffington Post article, “Wait, What The Heck Is A 'Parasocial Relationship'?” published May 26, 2021, “When we form a parasocial bond with someone, we feel like we really know them,” Gabriel said in the article. “We know logically that we don’t, but our primitive brain doesn’t realize that, so the feeling is real.”

 

The genuine connection I felt with Ben Schwartz became an extremely beneficial coping strategy during quarantine. This fluffy-haired comedian offered me a sense of intimate understanding that I desperately needed. There was a brief moment following the mass distribution of the vaccine when I didn’t need Ben as much. I stopped clicking “play from the beginning” on his Netflix shows and hung out with my real-life friends. However, the rise of the Omicron variant has left me once again alone and scared. But I will be okay.

 

Around 11 pm I will sweep my school books off of my bed and shimmy under my white, feather-filled comforter. Under the soft glow of my twinkle lights, I will re-play an hour-long blooper reel from Ben Schwartz’s web series, The Earliest Show. I will fall asleep to the sound of my buddy cracking jokes and, perhaps, for a moment, I will forget about everything else.